Saturday, December 17, 2016

Death By Sharpened Candy Cane, or Thoughts on the Black Christmas Remake

The Black Christmas (2006) remake is a Christmas-themed, R-rated Halloween (1978) hybrid that recycles elements from the original Black Christmas (1974) like the plastic bag suffocations and the sorority house setting, while introducing a Michael Meyers-y killer and discarding the ambiguous ending of the previous movie.  Billy Lenz, with a fondness for eating plucked eyeballs and human skin Christmas cookies (it's so important for these killers to stay on theme) escapes from the looney bin and comes home for Christmas, which coincidentally is now the Delta Alpha Kappa sorority house.
The obscene phone calls are also gone but there’s a nice update with an Internet revenge porn sub-plot, which is far more threatening and relevant to a modern audience.  However Billy still taunts the girls with death threats from a missing girl's cell phone, and the landline’s on speakerphone to creep out the audience.  Those sorority girls include Michelle Trachtenberg, who gets a free pass for playing Dawn in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Lacey Chabert from another remake, Lost in Space (1998), and Katie Cassidy, who you know as Laurel Lance/Black Canary from Arrow.  Andrea Martin from the 1980 original returns as the sorority mom.
The original Black Christmas was obscure and largely forgotten, but the remake brings nothing new and currently holds an unimpressive 14% on Rotten Tomatoes.  You may find it interesting if you ever wanted to see the aforementioned death by a sharpened candy cane shiv, or a crystal unicorn horn and/or a Christmas tree impalement (there’s a lot of stabbings in this movie).  And watch out for Karin Konoval in the flashback as Billy’s mom, you may remember her from The X-Files where she played Mrs. Peacock in “Home”  (1996).  The remake was directed by X-Files producer Glen Wong, so now you know why she was cast.  Don't say you never learned anything from this blog, and happy holidays!

my first novel?  thanks for asking:)  it’s a the first book in a 4-volume supernatural martial arts series chock full of killer kung-fu witches, haunted carnivals, punk rock assassins, and a 24-hour diner with the best pie in town…
read for free on kindle unlimited or buy the paperback, available at fine bookstores everywhere (amazon).