Sunday, December 18, 2016

Facebook Zombies, Cannibal Supermodels, and Greasy Stranglers, or All of My 2016 Movie Reviews

I have a love/hate ambivalence towards modern movies, most of the time I walk into the theater wondering just how much I’m going to be disappointed.  I do enjoy the experience of seeing movies in the theater, the smell of the popcorn, the shared enthusiasm of the audience, and that moment of anticipation when the lights dim and the trailer starts.  Most of these movies were adequate, certainly excellent production values and performances, but nothing memorable and ultimately disposable.  Kinda like the popcorn, when you think about it.
I mean, sure I enjoyed Deadpool and who doesn't love Rose Leslie and the Magnificent Seven remake isn’t bad, but the only truly original, creative and intriguing movie for me on this list is The Greasy Strangler.  There are seminal years in American Cinema, 1968 immediately comes to mind with the release of 2001, Night of the Living Dead, Rosemary’s Baby and Planet of the Apes.  I was lucky enough to see The Matrix in  the theater in1999, along with American Beauty, Fight Club, The Blair Witch Project, The Sixth Sense and Being John Malkovich.  All I can tell you is 2016 was no 1999, but I saw all these movies and wrote about them for you, because I care about you.

The Air is Toxic and The Floor is Lava, or Thoughts on 10 Cloverfield Lane 
Hipster Running Man (With Carnies), or Thoughts on Rob Zombie’s 31 
An Austrian Franz of the Dead, or Thoughts on Attack of The Lederhosen Zombies 
CrossFit Bruce and Frowny Clark, or Thoughts on Batman v Superman 

Because They're Made of Wood, or Thoughts on the Blair Witch
Lloyd Dobler Fights Stephen King’s FaceBook Zombies, or I Watched Cell, So You Don’t Have To 
This Is Your Generation’s Blazing Saddles, or Thoughts on Deadpool 
Y’Know an Aquarium is A Submarine For Fish, or Thoughts on Ghostbusters 
When Ygritte Sleepwalks Through the Woods, or Thoughts on Rose Leslie in Honeymoon 
Gale From The Hunger Games as Your Millennial Sky Captain, or Thoughts on Independence Day: Resurgence 
Pretty Much Tim Burton’s X-Men, or Thoughts on Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children 
It’s Undead Downton Abbey, or Thoughts on Pride and Prejudice and Zombies 
Harley Quinn vs Enchantress, or Thoughts on Suicide Squad 
It's No Bride of Chucky, or I Watched The Boy, So You Don’t Have To 
Norma Bates Battles 70’s Retro CGI Demons, or Thoughts on The Conjuring 2 
I Believe in a Thing Called Love, or I Watched The Darkness, So You Don’t Have To 
That Time When Margaery Tyrell Went to Japan, or Thoughts on  The Forest 
A Rootie Tootie Disco Cutie, or Thoughts on The Greasy Strangler 
A Remake of A Remake of A Remake, or Thoughts on Antoine Fuqua’s The Magnificent Seven 
Cannibal Supermodels in Hollywood Babylon, or I Watched The Neon Demon, So You Don’t Have To 
Literally Apocalypse Now, or Thoughts on The Purge: Election Year 
Mrs. Deadpool Fights a Giant CGI Shark, or Thoughts on The Shallows 

It’s 300 Avatars, But With Orcs, or I Watched Warcraft, So You Don’t Have To 

my first novel?  thanks for asking:)  it’s a the first book in a 4-volume supernatural martial arts series chock full of killer kung-fu witches, haunted carnivals, punk rock assassins, and a 24-hour diner with the best pie in town…
read for free on kindle unlimited or buy the paperback, available at fine bookstores everywhere (amazon).