Friday, June 30, 2017

Spanish Vamps in The Woods, or Thoughts on Vampyres

 You would think that if you’re driving in a haunted woods in Spain and you pick up a beautiful woman in a black velvet hooded cape with a vaguely Eastern European accent and she invites you back to her abandoned house where all the mirrors are covered your fight or flight instinct would kick in and you would get the heck outta there.  But much like their American counterparts, the men in the erotic horror movie Vampyres (2015) have never heard of the dead that drink the blood of the living, and are happy to succumb to their charms.
A remake of the far superior 1974 film of the same name, it’s definitely not for the haemophobic, but then again, why would you be watching a vampire movie?  Fran and Miriam troll the road for drivers and random hikers and bathe in their blood in antique claw foot tubs like they’re Elizabeth Bathory.  Very nice visuals if you’re into that sorta thing (and who isn’t), but it’s a slow movie with an indie, 70’s feel without actually capturing the sensual eroticism of the original.  Filmed in English with a Spanish cast, the dialogue seems awkward and forced, while the plot doesn’t extend farther than lesbian vampires in the woods.
However, watch out for the Caroline Munro cameo as a hotel owner who knows more than she lets on.  And if you don’t know who Caroline Munro is, I don’t know if we can hang out anymore.

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